Vicki came to Christmas Eve dinner high on something. My Aunt didn’t want her around so they drove us back to Philly before midnight mass. I slept on Vicki’s couch while her new boyfriend bagged weed next to me until 5am. She slept in the living room too; her bedroom is now the home of her dealer and his family. I dreamed red. I tried to say bye when I left in the morning but she rolled over and spooned her boyfriend.
Happy Birthday, Mom.
The Bike Stop.
I was afraid I had an STD but this guy seemed really supportive and still wanted to date me. I got bad vibes from him all night and couldn’t perform, still nervous about what my test results would be. Neither of us wanted to talk about it and we haven’t spoke since. He left hickeys all over my neck.
the holy spirit/when you came crying in/turned away its face.
Nathan’s been living at Dave’s for almost three months. She’s seen him maybe once or twice in that time and I haven’t heard her sound like a Mother, except when she yells at the cat.
Flypaper in Vicki’s Apartment.
I remember the smell when I walked in when she first put them up. Cat shit. I saw pictures of the cat on Facebook that she adopted from a friend. I knew it would be bad for her to raise a cat but I know my opinions of her life go unheard. She greeted me with a hug and left me to babysit, taking the money I give her every week and going to buy cigarettes. I was hungry and I looked through her kitchen. Flies were all over dirty dishes, sitting on the cupboards, hovering in the kitchen, and some in the bathroom where she moved the litter box. There was a jar of Nutella in a cupboard, I disinfected a spoon before I tried to eat it. Nathan watched cartoons mostly and played with toys. The cat was feisty and scratched Nathan’s bare legs a lot. Nathan tried to hold it too much and it always got annoyed. She only mentioned the flies in passing, not really a big deal to her. Dave told me later that he had put all the flypaper up, she hadn’t done anything until that point.